When my wife, Kay, was undergoing treatment for breast cancer, the doctors hospitalized her about halfway through her 12-week chemo regimen because of her serious reaction to the therapy. The effects of the chemo plunged her into a misery of extreme nausea. She was wiped out, and I was keeping visitors away so she could get some sleep.
I sat there, quietly thanking God for my wife and for his amazing invention of marriage. With all its ups and downs, I'm certain marriage (along with parenting) is God's primary tool for teaching us unselfishness, sensitivity, sacrifice, and mature love. As I looked at my wife, I saw that she is a precious miracle, and that I'm privileged to care for her in sickness and in health.
Reflecting on what makes a satisfying marriage, I keep returning to six characteristics ("6 Cs") that we try to practice in our own marriage:
Communication - This is a skill you must learn through practice, but the bottom line is you've got to talk to each other. I read once in Newsweek that the average couple only spends four minutes a day talking to each other. That's not good.
Consideration - The Bible teaches that we should show our love by being helpful to each other. Being considerate simply means paying attention to what your spouse says, showing common courtesy, and treating each other with respect.
Compromise - We're taught in the Bible that "love does not demand its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5, LB). The unloving thing to do is try to change your mate; instead you should yield your rights and learn the art of negotiation and compromise. I've seen more marriages die from inflexibility than I've seen die from adultery, alcoholism, or abuse.
Courtship - If there was more courting in marriage, there'd be fewer marriages in court. You need to date your mate, making your relationship a priority --- specifically developing things you like to do together.
Commitment - I find it interesting that the media has finally discovered the value of commitment. Some headlines I've seen lately include: "Measuring our quality of life -- happily married;" "Strong commitment brings satisfaction;" "Commitment -- the key to marriage." There were many times in the first few years of our marriage when Kay or I might have bailed out, but we'd locked the escape hatch, agreeing that divorce was not an option. This forced us to change, to become flexible, to learn compromise, and to grow out of our selfishness.
Christ - God gives you the power and the desire to develop the other five characteristics. He gives you love when you run out of love. The greatest thing you can do for your spouse is to become like Christ and then begin to treat your spouse like Christ would. Marriage and Divorce magazine discovered that nearly one out of every three marriages ends in divorce, but when a couple is married in a church ceremony, and they attend church regularly, and they pray and read the Bible together, then the chances of divorce drop to less than one in a thousand.
As a word of testimony, nothing has challenged me so much as the challenge to build my marriage; yet nothing else in my life has been so rewarding. It is well worth the effort.
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